How to Spot an Abuser Who Claims to be the Victim

A Cry For Justice

(My thanks to Barbara Roberts for her help with this article)

I am sure that you have watched police SWAT teams in action at a hostage situation.  As the hostages emerge, a strange thing happens.  The police treat them as if they were the bad guys.  They have them kneel down, hands in the air, frisk them and handcuff them.  Why?  Because if the police have never actually seen the suspects, they want to be sure that the bad guys aren’t trying to escape in the disguise of one of the hostages.  And that is how we need to handle abuse situations, because it is very, very common for the abuser to claim to be the victim – and his disguise can be pretty ingenious.  Many hostages are thrown in “jail” while the bad guys go free when it comes to how our churches are dealing with abuse…

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My Story

I was the typical American stay at home mom.  Two children, boy and a girl, 4 bedroom home, dog, 3 cats.  Active in my church, served as Sunday School teacher for many years.  My husband was a hard working programmer who had moved up the ladder and learned mobile apps and was able to support us.  He was a boy scout leader as well.

Bob and I met in 1988.  I first saw him at Simko’s, the local pub in Sayreville.  He was thin, light brown long hair and blue eyes.  He was nice looking but the way him and his friends eyed women in the bar and laughed at them made me very turned off to him.  He came across as arrogant and kind of mean.

There was another man at Simko’s who I was attracted to.  Never learned his name, but he always looked at me, and I him.  I look back at those moments and wish he or I had made the move to talk to one another.  He could have rescued me from what was about to befall on me…..if only I had spoken to him.

One night my girlfriend Shirley and I went to Birch hill – a club

Surviving Evil

This is my first time blogging.  I have much to say about some experiences I’ve had in the last few years.  I have lived a living hell since 2009 and by the grace of God I am still around to write this blog.  Perhaps this blog will help me heal and help others who have been victimized by evilness to begin the journey of healing as well.

First and foremost, I am a Christian.  Not a “secular” Christian with one foot in the world and one foot in heaven, but a true Christian.  My recent experiences have developed me into this type of Christian, although I’ve always loved God. However, I sinned far too much in the past while still believing I was a “good” Christian.  I believe in the bible, that Jesus Christ is Lord.  I believe I am a sinner and the God loves me enough to discipline me.  I have been through a fiery trial that hopefully will lead me into becoming refined like gold.  I am a work in progress.  I am still struggling to overcome my past.  By His grace I will overcome it.

Bear with me as I explore this new blogging world and I pray that God allows this blog to help someone else to overcome evilness without losing yourself.